We frequently come across the topic of love in wedding ceremonies or in church services. So frequently that we take for granted what love really means.  Below is an in-depth discussion of love as defined by St Paul.

St. Paul says, "Love is always patient and kind; love is never jealous; love is not boastful or conceited, it is never rude and never seeks its own advantage, it does not take offence or store up grievances. Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but finds its joy in the truth. It is always ready to make allowances, to trust, to hope and to endure whatever comes." (1 Corinthians 13: 4-7)

St Paul uses: two words to describe what love is; four words to describe what love does all the time; and eight words to describe what love is not.

Christian love is an act of the mind and the will and not an act of the emotion. It is to love as God loves, unconditionally. All of us are challenged every day to work towards this definition of love with our family first. As Mother Teresa said, "I always say---and I don't get tired of repeating it---that love starts at home."

WHAT LOVE IS:

Love is Patient. Little things inevitably happen in our lives and in our homes. Misunderstanding and conflict come to every home. For family relationship to flourish we need patience to humbly resolve the conflict. And, patience means accepting, bearing, enduring, suffering the slights, shortcomings, blame, accusation, tantrums, injuries and hurts. In order to be able to develop this Christian patience of love we have to learn to forgive readily and endlessly.

Love is Kind. Since all Christians are challenged to be kind to people, how do we show kindness?  Kindness shows itself by being compassionate, generous, gracious and friendly. A kind word uplifts the downhearted and the discouraged. A kind word is often sufficient to make a sad person smile. A kind person strives to make others happy. He seeks to ease another person's pain or to soothe another person's anxieties, fears or anger. Remember, there is no happiness like that of a person whose heart is filled with goodwill towards others. 

WHAT LOVE DOES ALL THE TIME:

Love is always ready to make allowances. Love covers a multitude of faults. There is no limit to love's forbearance. Love bears hurt in silence. It does not gossip about the hurt to others. Love puts up with a lot of faults from people just as God does with us. Love bears all things, including all the faults of others.

Love is always ready to trust. Do I trust in the basic goodness of people no matter how bad they may appear to be? Have I put my faith and trust in God? Do I trust that when I go to Jesus, He will work with me to turn the unpleasant event round into something good for me ultimately?

Love is always ready to hope. Do I always hope to bring joy and happiness to my family and others? Do I fall into despair when the going gets tough? In this stressful world, people become depressed easily and give up hope. But love does not give up hope and to hope is to choose life and not gloom.

Love is always ready to endure whatever comes. Do I have the fighting spirit to endure and triumph over all obstacles? Do I firmly and loyally maintain my relationship with my family members, whatever the circumstances? Love endures all things.

WHAT LOVE IS NOT:

Love is never jealous. Am I glad when someone is doing well? Am I jealous or envious of people's good fortune? To detect envy or jealousy, we need to ask ourselves these questions: Are we chronic critics? Are we always sarcastic?  Do  we gossip? Do we talk disparagingly about  someone's accomplishment? Do we belittle what means a lot to another? Do we assassinate people's character?

Love is not boastful. Am I a braggart? Am I arrogant?  Do I keep on bragging at what I have achieved? Boasting can be hurtful and unkind since it diminishes others. A braggart does not feel superior to others but he boasts that he is.

Love is not conceited. Am I conceited? Do I have to constantly inflate my ego? Am I puffed up with my own importance? Pride is extreme self-love. Pride smacks of idolatry, for it idolizes self. Hell has no fury like a proud person scorned.

Love is never rude. Am I always civil? Are my manners in question? Do I often answer back in a disagreeable way? We know that being nice, kind, courteous, polite, good natured, considerate or thoughtful is a cultivated virtue. But rudeness comes from insecurity or weakness, from selfishness or self-centeredness, from lack of training in manners.

Love is not selfish. Do I look out for myself only? Do I consider the other person as well?  Do I always insist on my own rights? Do I only seek my own interests? A self-seeker pursues the adulation, praise and approbation of others. Signs that tell us whether or not we are self-seeking:  Is God foremost in our thoughts? Do we try to avoid what is displeasing to God? Do we accept without complaint all that God sends us? Do we give free rein to our desires and wants? 

Love is not easily provoked. Do I have a quick temper? Am I irritated too easily? Am I quick to take offence? Am I always resentful?  We know that hasty temper, impatient rebukes, sullen looks, and harsh words--they all never do any good! The best remedy for anger is delayed action and silence.

Love does not store up grievances. Do I keep score of wrongs done to me? Do I brood over every injury? Do I store up memory of every wrong that I have received? Do I plan and calculate my revenge? Do I record in my memory every hurt to repay it later? It is foolish to carry hurts like a haversack on our back all through life.

Love does not rejoice at wrongdoing but finds its joy in the truth. Am I happy over the failures of others? Do I gloat over people's misfortune? Do I rejoice in people's shortcomings or do I find joy in things that are true, noble, just, pure, and lovely and of good report?

In conclusion, only love makes us acceptable to God, since it is Jesus who commands us to love: "My commandment is this: love one another, just as I love you" (John 15:12 ). We have to put this love into action on the little things we do every day. But without the help of His grace it would be impossible to even understand this definition of love with our heart, let alone to put it into practice. So we have to pray daily for His grace and the Holy Spirit to help us, as "the fruit of Holy Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, trustfulness, gentleness, and self-control" (Galatians 5:22).

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