Forgiving someone doesn’t mean that someone’s behavior was right; it does mean that we are ready to move on; it releases the heavy weight to shape our own
life, on our own terms, without any unnecessary burdens. Forgiveness is pure freedom
and it is a choice.
Gandhi said: An eye for an
eye only ends up making the whole world blind.
Forgiving is not simply an act of kindness that we are obliged to do but it is
saying “no” to vengeance; a promise to the future, and a "yes" to peace. When
someone does something wrong to us, it is easy to think negative, angry thoughts
of hate, revenge and retaliation, but if we think intelligently, we would
realize that doing so really leads to nothing less than endless regret
and burden. Is forgiving the best way to deal with the pain we feel when a
person stings us deeply and unfairly?
Well, what is the alternative to forgiving? Must we freeze ourselves in the
unfairness of a cruel moment in the past? Or should we find a better way?
Sometimes, we decide to
refuse to make peace with the past and as a result, we also refuse to forgive,
just because that feels like the easiest option. Sometimes we fall into the
habit of seeking revenge, mistakenly believing it to be a better option.
Vengeance is the passion to get even using bad intentions. It is the burning
desire to reciprocate the pain someone has given us, an eye for an eye.
Even we try as we may,
revenge will never get us where we want; it will never even the score. It won’t
give us fairness. Instead, it sets off a chain reaction that ties both the
injured and the injurer to an escalator of pain for as long as the will to get
even remains. The escalator never stops and will never anyone off.
No matter what our
weapons maybe: words, unkindness, guns, bombs, nuclear missiles; revenge locks
us into an escalation of violence. It mires use in painful guilt for an unjust
past. The only out it is forgiveness.
When we forgive, we
don't change the past, we change the future.
|The act of
forgiveness takes place in our own mind. It really has nothing to do
with the other person.-Louise Hay
Forgiveness has the power to move us away from a past moment of pain and
unshackle us from our endless chain of reactions. It creates a situation in
which the wrongdoer and the wrong can begin a new way; it lightens the load of
past wrongs and pains that we are burdened with; it frees us for whatever fairer
future lies amid the unknown potential of our tomorrow. The only way to heal the
pain is to forget. This stops the rerun of pain and heals
the memory as we change our vision.
Even though inner lust
for revenge remains, we must not give in to it. This can push deeper endless
repetition of old unfairness. When we release the wrongdoer from the wrong, we
cut a malignant tumor out of our inner life. We set a prisoner free, but then we
discover that the real prisoner is our self.
By Tim Pedrosa
is sometimes very hard to forgive, but total unconditional
forgiveness is one of the great keys to our own happiness.