“A soft answer turns away
"Dad, how do
wars begin?” " Well, take the First World War," said his father.
"That got started
when Germany invaded Belgium."
wife interrupted him,
"Tell the boy the
truth! It began because somebody was assassinated!”
The husband drew
himself up with an air of superiority and snapped back,
answering the question or am I?"
Turning her back upon him in a huff, the wife stormed out the room and slammed
the door as hard as she could! When the dishes stopped rattling in the cupboard
an uneasy silence followed, broken at length by the boy:
"Daddy, you don't
have to tell me how wars begin; I know now!"
Arguing! We all
do it sometimes! We all know what it is to walk away from an argument with the
mouth dry, tummy in a knot, head hot and spinning, and heart sick--wishing that
it had never happened, deeply regretting the unkind words that were said!
Believe it or not, more homes are destroyed by arguments than by fires or
We all know that
arguing for the sake of arguing is a pointless waste of time! We have absolutely
nothing to gain, and our time, energy and someone's friendship to lose! It is
said that the only people who really listen to an argument are the neighbors.
Some people love
to argue, and will do anything to prove their point! They'd rather lose a friend
than an argument! For others, arguing has become a habit, an automatic reaction
of saying something contradictory to whatever is being said!
Here's a lesson from
Benjamin Franklin: One compulsive arguer was the early American statesman,
philosopher and author, Benjamin Franklin. As a youth he loved nothing more than
a good argument until a close friend took him aside and said,
"Ben, you are
impossible! Your opinions have a slap in them for everyone who differs with you! Your friends enjoy themselves better when you are not around! You think you know
so much that no one can tell you anything. Indeed, no one is going to try, for
the effort would only lead to discomfort and hard work! So you are not likely
ever to know any more than you do now-which is actually very little!"
Ben Franklin was
big enough and wise enough to accept these stinging truths, and to realize that
he was headed for failure and social disaster! So he immediately began to change
his bigoted, argumentative ways! He became one of the best loved, wisest and
most diplomatic men in American history, and was actually remembered for saying:
"If you argue and rankle and contradict, you may achieve a victory sometimes.
will be an empty victory, because you will never get your opponent's good will!"
No one ever
really wins an argument! You can shout and scream and argue until you're blue in
the face, but people are not going to believe that you are right unless they
want to believe it! And even if they would like to agree with you, your tone may
have put them so much on the defensive that it would be like an utter
humiliation, a defeat on the battlefield, for them to confess you're right or
even partly right!
And remember, no
amount of logic or argument will make anyone change his mind if he doesn't want
to! Nine times out of ten, an argument ends with each side more firmly convinced
than ever that he is absolutely right! You can't win an argument, because if you
lose it, you lose it! And if you win it, you lose it! Why? Well, suppose you
triumph over the other person and shoot his argument full of holes and prove
that he's an absolute idiot.
You'll feel fine,
smug and satisfied. But what about him? You'll have made him feel inferior.
You've hurt his pride. He may resent your triumph, and…a
man convinced against his will, is of the same opinion still!
fights and quarrels among us? “Don't they come from our lusts and desires
that battle within us? We want something, but don't get it..so we quarrel and
So greediness and
selfishness can be one of the root causes of arguing, trying to get the things
we selfishly want. Other arguments are caused by pride. Proverbs 13:10 says:
by pride come quarrels, but wisdom is found in those who take advice.”
we've clearly seen, many arguments are caused by self-righteousness.
our point, thinking that we are so right, putting ourselves up and the other
person down by contradicting them!
And what it all
boils to is a lack of love. Arguing isn't the real problem, that's just a
symptom! A lack of love is the real problem!
That's one of the
major lessons that God wants us to learn- how to love people, how to work with
them, how to treat them, how to give the other person the advantage and the
benefit of the doubt, how to build them up unselfishly, instead of selfishly
tearing them down through contention and argument!
All this is a
part of learning to love, to put us in other people's shoes, to "do unto others
as you would have them do unto you!”
Jesus can give us
the solutions, change our heart and spirit, fill us with His Spirit of Love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and
self-control. --Galatians 5:22.
He can give us
the strength and grace to love and not argue! --So stay close to Him! Love,
Humility and Prayer solve all problems!
lot of trouble in this world is caused by combining a narrow mind with a
talk without thinking is to shoot without aiming.