The most important, most critical component in
successful loving is commitment, not love. It's easy to love without commitment. People do
it all the time. It is easy
to love, to give of oneself for a while. But commitment
implies bonding in such a way that one promises
to keep the
fires of love burning indefinitely. It also
means shutting
one's heart to the possibility of loving another
who might even
be more attractive, even more lovable. Here are
some thoughts inspired by the writings of Joe
Gatuslao.
This is why
solid commitments are not at all as common as we
are led to
believe. In fact, more often than not, the
commitment two lovers make are not equal. The
commitment of one might be a whole lot more or a
whole lot less
than the partner's.
Genuine sincerity opens people’s hearts, while manipulation causes them
to close. -Daisaku Ikeda |
We see it all the time. One
loves more than
the other and is more committed than the other.
We have often
seen lopsided love relationships where one
partner is giving
so much more to the relationship than the other.
But writers and poets seem to always indicate
that love isn't just a
two-way street, but an equal two-way street.
That hardly ever
happens. It is impossible to determine exactly
how much a man loves a
woman or how much a woman cares for a man.
Love cannot be
measured and that can be a huge problem. You can
love someone and
tell him "I love you" and you're
telling the truth. But how
much do you love him? Is it enough to let him court
you? Enough to
marry him? Enough to die for him? The
greatest test of true love is commitment. And the greatest indicator
of deep love is
deep commitment.
We have heard people say all the
right words, make
all the right moves and pledge undying love,
only to walk
away weeks or months later. Were they in love?
Sure they were.
But not enough to allow them to hold strong in
their love; not
enough to keep a commitment regardless of the
pain.
Lover gets this sinking feeling when there is a
sense that one is more
committed than the other. When one is giving a
lot more than one is
receiving. When one's love is a lot more solid
than the creaky
love of the partner.
Good
relationships don’t just happen. They take time, patience, and two
people who truly want to be together.-Unknown |
When a couple believe
strongly that their commitment to each other is rock solid, there is
a deep sense
of security, a feeling that it's OK to give all because the
gift of yourself is safe in the hands of the
beloved.
If, however, there is doubt or, even worse, the conviction
that one is engaged in one-way giving, in a
one-way commitment
that is lopsided, then there is a tendency to
pull back and
not give as much. And when that happens, love
begins to fade.
In the countless counseling sessions
Joe have had
with troubled couples
over the years, there has always been the
problem of a failing
commitment on the part of at least one of the
partners. Unless
there is the raising of the level of commitment,
the relationship is doomed. It's finished. Sooner or
later the stresses
will take their toll and the relationship will
begin to fall
apart. On the other hand, look carefully at
couples who are still
very much in love after 20, 25 years or more,
their commitment
to each other cannot be shaken. Neither can
their love.
We find, as
we look back upon our lives that the moments that stand
out, the moments when we have really lived, are the moments when we
have done things in the spirit of love.
By Tim Pedrosa
The world is
full of beauty when hearts are full of love. Love
is like a candle; it leads you in time of darkness, and brightens up
your future.
|
Tim
|