In difficult conversations we can honor both honesty and compassion by using tact. It allows us to speak the truth in ways that other people are able to hear without becoming too threatened or hurt.

To be tactful means choosing our timing, as well as our words. Tact requires that we put ourselves in another person’s place and think about their circumstances and feelings when presenting something. Here are some beautiful words of wisdom inspired by the writings of Maria Fontaine.

The same food can taste quite different, depending on how it is prepared. There are hundreds of ways to prepare potatoes, for example. Some foods I like when served one way, but I absolutely dislike them when served another way. Eating a raw vegetable or piece of fruit is a totally different experience than eating it cooked.

Different presentations affect our reactions. That's true of food, and it's also true of our communications and interactions with others. It's our presentation that counts. Two people may be trying to get across the same idea, but they may do it in completely different ways. One presentation may have negative overtones, carry with it a whole range of negative emotions, and incite negative reactions, whereas the other may be just the opposite.

Almost without exception, the one who does it in a loving, considerate way will have the greater success. Loving presentation makes people feel good, it makes them feel loved, it makes them feel that you like and respect and have confidence in them, and that nearly always wins their cooperation.

Actually, the words we say are not always as important as how we say them. Sometimes we do need to point out problems or say things that we know will be difficult for the other person to accept, and even be direct in doing so.

But people can overlook our being frank if they see that we sincerely care about them. Even if we fail to say exactly the right thing in exactly the right way, if people feel that we care, that's what will matter most to them and go the farthest in strengthening our relationship.

Let love and trust come through. Try a little tact. A word that seems out of place or is said at the wrong time or to the wrong person is often thought of as a lack of tact.

The art of having tact and saying the right things to people at the right time is really just to be sensitive to the way they feel, to have that personal touch that helps us to be aware of what might hurt their feelings and to avoid doing so.

Let’s deal with the faults of others as gently as you do with your own. Formula for tact: Be brief, politely; be aggressive, smilingly; be emphatic, pleasantly; be positive, diplomatically; be right, graciously.

How do we learn to be more tactful? By praying for it; asking God to help us to be more sensitive to people's feelings, and cultivate the habit of being more prayerful before we speak.

It means that before we speak  we consider the effect on other people and we choose our words wisely and well, for many have fallen by the edge of the sword but not as many as by the tongue.

By Tim Pedrosa