a person as he/she is, he/she will remain as he/she is. If we treat a
person as what he/she could
be, he/she will become what he/she should be. Here
are some suggestions to build a successful relationship inspired
by the writings of Al Ritter.
What is the most effective way to create and
sustain great relationships with others? It's The 100/0
Principle: We take full responsibility (the 100) for the
relationship, expecting nothing (the 0) in return.
Implementing The 100/0 Principle is not natural
for most of us. It takes real commitment to the relationship and
a good dose of self-discipline to think, act and give 100
very best we can give each other is our love not our advice, and
certainly not our judgment.
The 100/0 Principle applies to those people in
our life where the relationships are too important to react
automatically or judgmentally. Each of us must determine the
relationships to which this principle should apply. For most of
us, it applies to work associates, customers, suppliers, family
- Determine what you can do to make the relationship work...then
do it. Demonstrate respect and kindness to the other person,
whether he/she deserves it or not.
- Do not expect anything in return, zero, zip, nada.
- Do not allow anything the other person says or does (no matter
how annoying!) to affect you. In other words, don't take the
- Be persistent with your graciousness and kindness. Often we
give up too soon, especially when others don't respond in kind.
Remember to expect nothing in return.
|The most important single influence in the life of a person is
At times (usually few), the relationship can
remain challenging, even toxic, despite our 100 percent
commitment and self-discipline. When this occurs, we need to
avoid being the
and shift to being the "learner."
Avoid knower statements/thoughts like: "That won't
work," "I'm right, you are wrong," "I know it and you don't,"
"I'll teach you," "That's just the way it is," "I need to tell
you what I know," etc.
Instead use learner statements/thoughts
like: "Let me find out what is going on and try to
understand the situation," "I could be wrong," "I wonder if
there is anything of value here," "I wonder if..."
etc. In other words, as a learner, be curious! This
"knower/learner" approach is really effective most of the time
unless the person is determined to remain immature and
refuses to grow.
This may strike you as strange, but here's the
paradox: When you take authentic responsibility for
a relationship, more often than not the other person quickly
chooses to take responsibility as well.
Consequently, the 100/0 relationship quickly transforms into
something approaching 100/100.
We sometimes lose perspective of the difference we can make, when we
care more of our giving and care less of what we take.
The way to impress people
is not by
telling them how wonderful
we are. If we
want to impress people we need to listen
to how wonderful they are.
By Tim Pedrosa
careless word may kindle strife. The cruel word usually wrecks a life.
Timely word help level stress… but it’s the loving words that heal