When we accept
others unconditionally, we allow them to remove their masks and feel at
ease with who they are. The security of being accepted gives them the
freedom to be themselves and then lets them easily know and accept
order to create good relationships… – with our mind, let's think about what
we have to learn from others, – with our eyes, look into good
qualities of others, – with our words, recognize, value and appreciate
their accomplishments, – with our actions, cooperate and do something
for others. Here's a beautiful narrative collected from the Internet.
The author is unknown.
I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and
said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly.
Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.
Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to
let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic
She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she
asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw
away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we
didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find
out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a
satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn't love her
anymore. I just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement
which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman
who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I
felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not
take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried
loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her
cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had
obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late and found her
writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight
to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful
day with Jane.
When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing.
I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she
didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the
divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live
as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his
exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our
This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she
asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our
She requested that every day for the month's duration I
carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought
she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I
accepted her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife's divorce conditions. . She
laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she
applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my
divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on
the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy
is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From
the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten
meters with her in my arms.
She closed her eyes and said softly; don't
tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put
her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove
alone to the office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She
leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I
realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I
realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her
face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For
a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense
of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her
life to me.
On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of
intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Jane about this. It became
easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday
workout made me stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on
quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed,
all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown
so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.
Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and
bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to
carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had
become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to
come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was
afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my
arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the
hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her
body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day,
when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone
to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life
I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my
mind...I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry,
Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my
forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head.
Sorry, Jane, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring
probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not
because we didn't love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I
carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her
until death do us part.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap
and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and
At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of
flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I
smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile
on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My
wife had been fighting cancer for months and I was so busy with Jane to
even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me
from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push thru
with the divorce.-- At least, in the eyes of our son--- I'm a loving
The small details of our lives are what really matter in
a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in
the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot
give happiness in themselves. So let's find time to be our spouse's
friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do
have a real happy marriage!
Many of life's failures are people who did not realize
how close they were to success when they gave up.
A Christ-centered marriage is a marriage that is sure to
last a lifetime. "So then, they are no longer two but one flesh.
Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate." Matthew
By Tim Pedrosa
Keep always close to you, your dear ones, and tell them how much
you need them and love and take care of them. Take time to say,
“I am sorry”, “forgive me”, “please,” “ thank you” and all the
nice and lovely words you know.